Getting Overwhelmed…. and Vulnerable.

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I try to always be open, honest and authentic with those around me. 

I think we all do, to the level of our awareness.

But with myself…HAHAHAHA

Sorry… was that out loud?

I am the first person to tell you that I routinely lie to myself. 

And these lies come to bite me on the a** lots of times. 

For instance, most people who know me know that I am the first person to volunteer for something, be it to help friends/family, sign up for a committee, work extra…. I’ve really went deep before to make sure this wasn’t to be liked or valued… it isn’t, I truly really like to be busy and have fun. 

However I have always managed to sidestep the next level of self questioning, which is “Why do I like to be so busy?”

An innocent remark from a friend a few weeks ago made me hit pause and have to look at this. My BFF (since 2nd grade :) ) was texting me 2 days after a move I recently made and I had been out that evening, she asked me where I was. I told her I had volunteered for a committee to put together a new event in our community. 

her response “I was wondering how long it would take you to dive into something new after the move ” (The move btw had sapped me physically and emotionally)

That made me perk up and start thinking. 

I sat down with pen and paper and made a list of everything that was currently on my plate:

1. unpacking and settling in after a move

2. work

3. two decks of cards due in less than 60 days

4. work in a program for emerging artists i had been accepted in

5. creating work for a street fair in September

6. creating work for an exhibit in November

7. ongoing marketing and creating social media content for my two decks

8. developing workshops around my cards that I really REALLY want to do

9. stewarding my relationships with friends and family

10. assisting with a gala for a friend

11. helping to organize my (mumble mumble)  high school reunion

12. committee for another summer event

13. newest community event

14. trying to stay healthy and in shape 

Its too much really. 

I cannot be effective if I am trying to do all of this, no matter how well I manage my time. 

I end up frustrated, resentful and physically sick. 

which is not the quality of life I want and it does not help my health, my relationships or enable me to produce the best possible work I can. 

I mean, I am not a capricorn (lol) I am a leo… I love laying around and having fun. 

I challenged myself to look at this issue as and be completely honest with myself. 

What would my life look like if half of those activities were cut out? 


But would it really?

I have friends, family, activities, work, creativity….. and you know… sleep and fun….

Then it hit me. I am not bored. I am lonely. (and it PAINS me to type those words) I have been divorced for about 10 years now. I am not in a relationship. I like being in relationships. Though I have not been in one really since my divorce. I like being with and doing for a special someone. 

I have kept myself to busy to be in a relationship. Being so busy keeps me from feeling that. 


Because relationships to me, now, are scary.


Yet another layer of the onion being peeled back. 

I thought I was done with these freaking lessons. 

Not really… (( yes..really)) 

So I am slowly NOT replacing activities, commitments and projects once they are done. 

What are you lying to yourself about?

Go deep.

Don’t be afraid. 

Fear keeps you locked in a soundproof room.

You cannot hear the call of your soul to move forward and grow.

I Did It!

Well, my last post was about just facing fears and doing the thing. 

I am practicing what I preach, and have just posted on line readings available on my website.

(breathe…. )

The oracle deck I did with Rev. Steve Wilson, The Empathic Oracle came out last week and debuted as the #1 release in our category on Amazon. ( you can click HERE for more info and to purchase)

We were, and still are so amazed and humbled. 

As a thank you, please use this code “thank you” for 25% on anything on my website, online readings or art, until Friday, December 7th.

Just DO IT! Damnit!

I have had a variation of this conversation about half a dozen times over the last week. 

What is it about us humans that think we are suppose to be unhappy and suffer? Our souls want to soar. We are put/brought here for a reason. Sure, suffering is part of the human condition, and no one leaves unscathed. 

But it seems to me that people automatically defer to the hardest choice. 

Choosing the ‘safe’ job over what makes your soul sing because its what you are ‘suppose to do’ 

Choosing the chores over dancing on a weekend

Sensible shoes over the magnificent embroidered heels that just call to you! 

No lets be clear, I am not suggesting anarchy, I know…pay the bills, food on the table, trying to not break an ankle…. yeah, I get it. 

But for Gods sake, have some fun! Do things, and make choices that validate your soul sing - your belting out loud to spotify, art making, high heel wearing, sleeping in on the weekends, eating ice cream just ‘cause soul. 

Isn’t adulating hard enough with the things you MUST do, and the stuff that gets thrown at you?

If you feel a longing, a call, a NEED to have something in your life, it is there for a reason. And the reason isn’t to punish you. It is not to constantly tempt you and keep what it is you long for just out of reach. This longing is a guide, a map, your true north.

Just do it damnit!

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